Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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