Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
