Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then my night got REAL pukey
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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