Your dad touched me again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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