So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
