I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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