im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Pants are for mortals
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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