Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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