My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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