just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
