So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
