You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
