the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's like heaven, but drunker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
