in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
