Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
