The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
