Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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