I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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