Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
