The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
is it fun? or sober?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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