the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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