I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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