I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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