My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
