But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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