I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
