sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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