Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
