Yo dont text me then not text me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
