I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
