is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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