Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
