I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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