so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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