so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
