Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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