"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
