I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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