Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
