im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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