Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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