Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Randomize