I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
