the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
