i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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