I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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