Ambien. No doubt about it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
