I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
