So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
