If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
