Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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