Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
