party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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