Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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