Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize