do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
