She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
