Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
