TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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