Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
