I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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