I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
