Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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